Making life worth living.
Recently I have found myself drawn to reading beautiful articles by brilliant women writers describing how awful and hard life is, and, also how very beautiful it is. Currently this one, and this one, are rattling around in my head. I’ve read both multiple times, and I’d encourage you to do the same.
I don’t think this is a new trend, I think people have always been writing about the way in which life is horrible and wonderful simultaneously, but I don’t think I’ve been open to this way of thinking until recently. Before this, my perception of life was completely binary, it was either horrible and I was suffering, or it was joyful. I didn’t understand the way in which a multitude exists simultaneously.
But it does. It always does.
I also understand why many people don’t want to talk about the joy when there is so much suffering. I don’t need to list the horrors of the world, you know them. They are many and they are horrendous, and terrifying and heartbreaking. They are wars, and violence and deep, intentional cruelty, they are hunger and neglect and exclusion, they are loss and illness and deep inequality. They are so immense and so horrible and so tragic.
And I could cry, wail and rage for my whole lifetime about them.
I keep reading and then rewriting on scraps of paper and in notebooks this poem by Nikita Gill over and over again.
Everything is on fire,
but everyone I love is doing beautiful things
and trying to make life worth living,
and I know I don’t have to believe in everything,
but I believe in that.
- Nikita Gill
It is such a small poem, but the truth of it burns me every time I read it. One thing I’m not so sure about is the line where she says, ‘but everyone I love is doing beautiful things and trying to make life worth living’. This is not always true in my experience.
Many people I love are trying to make life worth living, but they are not doing beautiful things. I’m not judging this, I’m really not, I have many many times in my life tried to make life worth living by doing destructive or damaging or pointless things. I get it. Life is so very hard sometimes and so many things, all kinds of vices (for me it was/is binge watching crap TV, eating junky food, doom scrolling, comparing my life to the lives of others) seem to make life worth living for a moment, but it never lasts long, life gets profoundly worse instead.
But Nikita, and Roisin, and Lorin remind me how many beautiful things there are that make life worth living. And I don’t think I’m at all original in sharing this, but here are a few of mine, take what you need.
Sourdough toast that is slightly cool so the butter sits on top and doesn’t melt into the bread, with a lashing of vegemite, and a really hot cup of tea.
Soft windchimes tinkling in a light breeze (I can hear this right now).
Watching a plant grow. Far out, how joyful is it to buy a tomato seedling from Bunnings, chuck it in a pot with some dirt, water it every couple of days, and in a few weeks it’s a fruit bearing vine, far out.
Cuddling my beautiful boys when they have just woken in the morning, their skin is extra squishy, their eyes still full of dreams.
Going for a big, long, hot walk and then drinking a glass of water.
Dancing to a good song, and oh gosh listening to a good song, and there are so many good songs, thousands and thousands, and somehow, I have stored the lyrics to many, many, many of them in my head, and I can belt them out and feel them so deep down. Ooh I love that.
Hopping into a bed with fresh sheets on it. I know many people share this as a daily joy but fuck it’s good.
Surprising someone with a loving act. Yesterday I went and picked up my ageing Dad from the airport. He didn’t know I was coming. He said he’d catch a cab home, but I went and surprised him. The look of relief and love on his face when he saw me gave me chills. Plus, my beautiful husband had gone and bought Dad some basic groceries (milk, eggs, cheese, apples etc) so that he didn’t have to go shopping after his trip. Goodness my Dad felt loved, and he is, he is so so loved.
Laughing at something absolutely silly. Recently my younger son went to a birthday party and they had an entertainer, he did a routine with this massive red balloon, that he somehow blew up big enough that he could climb inside the balloon and bounce around in it. It was so silly and so funny, I had tears streaming down my face with laughter, I was laughing ten times as hard as any of the kids, but I couldn’t stop, it was so silly, and I loved it, and I love that man forever for giving me that delicious laugh.
Cheese. It’s so tasty and honestly it makes life a little bit better with every bite. My current favourite is red Leicester, have you tried that delicious bitey, salty cheese? It’s just yummy.
*I’ll keep adding to this list over time. And please share yours below…
